Bag of Emotion

As I get older I have become way more senitive then I was growing up. When I was growing up I was always bullied about my weight. I had gotten use to people calling me fat or making fun of me because of it. Even now that thick/curvy girls are a new trend I'm still talked about because I have a big booty and people are always saying something about it. Ugh!

Anyways, Right now I feel some type of way because I have a "boyfriend" now and our relationship has started out sexually and then it has gone fast. We really didn't take the time to truly get to know each other and now that we are together officially things pop-up that I don't like and aren't really use to. I try to over look them because hey, I have a real life boyfriend and people can change and if he says that he loves me then he will respect what I say and do it for me..... NEGATIVE!!! This niggah will listen all day long but wont take heed to it. So last night we get into an argument and he says, "You can't be so sensitive. I know your weak spot and I shouldn't know that already. If I really wanted to I could fuck with your head." Now that statement has been on my mind ALL day! I keep trying to figure out whats my weakness that he already sees. Then it hit because my friends said it a long time ago that allow myself to be vulnerable with people I don't know rather than with the people I know. I figured that was the start of it all. I was giving my all to guy that I really didn't know. Then I started to think about all the time we have argued or just had a disagreement he would be mad for a second then come back say something sweet and then I would just go on like nothing had happened.  So now I have come to the conclusion that I'm giving him my all and I come off as easy and desperate because if all he has to do is put some puppy dog eyes on and say something sweet then he can do anything.  Honestly, I just want a relationship where we can be the best of friends but also lovers. I want someone who will give me love, attention and their time. I don't want money or anything else I just want to spend time with someone and have fun. Is that to much to ask?

In other emotional news.... I hate being home and I'm ready to go! These people are working my everlasting nervous. It's like I'm in high school or something. Every time I look I'm suppose to do something and my sister sits on her butt and does nothing. When I say something I'm trying to play the victim and I don't give her credit for what she does. The her sits there and does nothing and will tell you she does nothing like she won a trophy or something. I'm tired of having the same conversations over and over again and I'm tired being labeled as something because they cant see that they are creating a lazy little monster thing. Then, I started back to school this week and I can already tell my classes are going to be very time consuming. I'm already stressed out and I haven't really started. But I think I'm just purposely doing it to myself. I have to look at it as a challenge that may take time but it's something I can and will do.